Brave strong girl

Next week marks a new chapter in my life as a mother, and in Renee's life as a child.

She's starting daycare.

I know it may not be anything big to most of you, and most mothers do it so why can't I, right? But it IS big for me. A very big and difficult step to take.

I'm extremely attached to Renee. Like really super-glue attach. I carried her for 9 months and in this 9 months, I was on complete bed rest throughout my 1st trimester because I was bleeding.

I think the fact that I stood a very high chance of loosing my then unborn child made me cling on and willed my body harder to be strong. To make sure that I did NOT lose it.

And when I won that fight, the next obstacle came. In my 2nd trimester, I had to do a blood test and my results came back bad. The baby I was carrying had an extremely high risk of being down-syndrome.

I had to go in for further tests. And the waiting for results period drove me very much to almost depression. The doctors said we had a choice to terminate the pregnancy should the results come out bad. And that was what almost killed me.

I was already in my 20th week. I already knew that my baby is a 'she'. I already felt her moving inside me. I already loved her. What would I do if she was down-syndrome? Would i want to continue with this, knowing that we're all gonna suffer together when she's born? Shunned by society? And who's gonna look out for her if something happened to me?

But to terminate the pregnancy? How could I kill my own child? Who am I to end a life? A life that i already loved?

But praise God, we won this war again. Further tests showed her to be a normal HEALTHY baby girl. 5 fingers 5 toes and a very prominent forehead.

My third trimester came and my baby was breeched. She didn't turn. And what made it worse. She had already pooped inside. Which made the very waters she was swimming in toxic. And so I was scheduled in for a c-section.

I have been fighting obstacles after obstacles from the start of my pregnancy till the very end. And that made me just that much more attached to Renee.

I drowned through fear of losing her 3 times and yet, 3 times we managed to break through the currents and inhale fresh new air.

So I guess in a way, its made me a little psycho. About always being there to protect Renee.

I gave up my career to be a stay-home mom. I looked after Renee all by myself with no help from anyone from the day she was born up till now. And she's turning 2 next month.

I don't even trust my parents or SK's parents to look after her even for a few hours. Wtf I don't even trust SK to look after her.

So yes, sending her to a daycare is a very BIG thing for me.

I've been mentally prepping her for it, telling her that she'll be going to 'school' next week, got many friends to play with, teachers to teach many things. Mummy will come back and pick you up after 'school' is over. Be a strong and brave girl.

I'm just praying and hoping that I'll be the braver and stronger girl.

Anyways, some random pictures I took here and there.






Renee made me decorate her Elly with my flower hair-ties.





A small snail I found while prepping veggies for dinner.





We went for steambot in Klang that still uses the traditional method of charcoal to heat up the soup.





In F21's dressing room. Loved the look but only got myself the top. I mean, who am i kidding. Can't carry off that college girl look anymore.





Renee has learned to climb on top of the tv table but has yet to learn how to climb down.





Chocolate feast with my baby girl before heading back to OUG for dinner.