Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Brave strong girl

Next week marks a new chapter in my life as a mother, and in Renee's life as a child.

She's starting daycare.

I know it may not be anything big to most of you, and most mothers do it so why can't I, right? But it IS big for me. A very big and difficult step to take.

I'm extremely attached to Renee. Like really super-glue attach. I carried her for 9 months and in this 9 months, I was on complete bed rest throughout my 1st trimester because I was bleeding.

I think the fact that I stood a very high chance of loosing my then unborn child made me cling on and willed my body harder to be strong. To make sure that I did NOT lose it.

And when I won that fight, the next obstacle came. In my 2nd trimester, I had to do a blood test and my results came back bad. The baby I was carrying had an extremely high risk of being down-syndrome.

I had to go in for further tests. And the waiting for results period drove me very much to almost depression. The doctors said we had a choice to terminate the pregnancy should the results come out bad. And that was what almost killed me.

I was already in my 20th week. I already knew that my baby is a 'she'. I already felt her moving inside me. I already loved her. What would I do if she was down-syndrome? Would i want to continue with this, knowing that we're all gonna suffer together when she's born? Shunned by society? And who's gonna look out for her if something happened to me?

But to terminate the pregnancy? How could I kill my own child? Who am I to end a life? A life that i already loved?

But praise God, we won this war again. Further tests showed her to be a normal HEALTHY baby girl. 5 fingers 5 toes and a very prominent forehead.

My third trimester came and my baby was breeched. She didn't turn. And what made it worse. She had already pooped inside. Which made the very waters she was swimming in toxic. And so I was scheduled in for a c-section.

I have been fighting obstacles after obstacles from the start of my pregnancy till the very end. And that made me just that much more attached to Renee.

I drowned through fear of losing her 3 times and yet, 3 times we managed to break through the currents and inhale fresh new air.

So I guess in a way, its made me a little psycho. About always being there to protect Renee.

I gave up my career to be a stay-home mom. I looked after Renee all by myself with no help from anyone from the day she was born up till now. And she's turning 2 next month.

I don't even trust my parents or SK's parents to look after her even for a few hours. Wtf I don't even trust SK to look after her.

So yes, sending her to a daycare is a very BIG thing for me.

I've been mentally prepping her for it, telling her that she'll be going to 'school' next week, got many friends to play with, teachers to teach many things. Mummy will come back and pick you up after 'school' is over. Be a strong and brave girl.

I'm just praying and hoping that I'll be the braver and stronger girl.

Anyways, some random pictures I took here and there.

Renee made me decorate her Elly with my flower hair-ties.

A small snail I found while prepping veggies for dinner.

We went for steambot in Klang that still uses the traditional method of charcoal to heat up the soup.

In F21's dressing room. Loved the look but only got myself the top. I mean, who am i kidding. Can't carry off that college girl look anymore.

Renee has learned to climb on top of the tv table but has yet to learn how to climb down.

Chocolate feast with my baby girl before heading back to OUG for dinner.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I is so stupid

The iPhone is THE MOST complicated thing in the world!

I mean, its also awesome. It keeps Renee entertained in the car and while i take my shower because it has all these cool educational apps that she can play with. I get to download all these other apps for myself which I could not using a normal mobile phone.

Its just that this phone is in a world of its own. Just downloading ringtones itself is a bitch. Being so used to other phones where I could just save the song or have someone bluetooth it to my phone and I can automatically use that as a ringtone already, I almost cried when I first found out what I had to do to convert songs to be recognized as ringtones for this phone.

Even my bluetooth earpiece refuses to even wanna pair with this phone and I do not know why so I'm stuck using the conventional handsfree that came with the phone, wires everywhere.

And last night. OMG!!! I almost went crazy. Renee was playing with my phone and I didn't know what she did but she managed to lock my rotation mode.

Which means that my screen stayed lock even when I turned the phone sideways. So I couldn't even use landscape mode to type or view stuff.

And what was even more frustrating was the fact that I didn't know how to undo it!

I searched through the Settings in the phone, clicking here and there and when nothing happened, I did it all over again anyways just in case something might miraculously happen on the 2nd and 3rd try. Nothing.

I even googled it "Enable landscape mode iphone", "Unlock locked landscape mode ipone", "Landscape mode iphone"....bla bla bla but everything that came out all said the same thing - download this app or that app for extra landscape keyboards or games or what not.

Urgh! I was so close to throwing the phone away and strangling Renee at the same time. But she's just a kid. Didn't know what she was doing. Just a very smart kid.

And I'm the type of person where if I don't get something settled the way I want it to be, I won't be able to sleep. At all.

Like when I'm already in bed, comfy and snugged and then I notice that the curtains are a little crooked, I'll get up just to straighten it, else it'll be bugging me the whole night. Or if I notice that my brush, perfume, make up, watever is not placed in its right place or is a little out of its place, I'll need to rearrange it back. Or if my shampoo finishes first before my conditioner does, I'll go mad cos I won't know what to do with the remaining conditioner. Yes. I'm crazy like that. SK says its a disease. That I'm diseased.

So just imagine what not being able to undo what Renee did to my phone was doing to me!!!

I was going crazy!

I even posted on twitter and facebook, hoping that someone somewhere out there would be able to help me.

And someone did

I thank the stars and moon and sun and planet for creating such a smart kind nice person and for letting this person be my friend because he saw my fb shout out and replied with a solution!

All i had to do was double click my home button, swipe the multitask bar to the left and VOILA!!! the unlock button was there!

Such a simple solution.

So. Renee's not that smart after all.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, July 23, 2010

Blog test from iPhone

I just downloaded this BlogPress app that allows me to blog fr my phone.

So this is just a test blog to see if it works.

I hope it does.

Cos this ain't no free app k.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Persiaran Setia Prima,Shah Alam,Malaysia